been playing crash bandicoot 1 on the xbox one--that HD remake.

it has been kicking my arse. my first video game was the sequel, crash bandicoot 2. i used to have these enormous meltdowns as a child every time i got a game over and had to redo entire levels only to get game over again.

my parents had no fucking clue what was going on, and had even less of a clue about how to play a video game.

i think i was stuck on the first world of crash bandicoot 2 for a few years until my cousins from overseas beat the first boss for me.

the first crash bandicoot is even harder. in the original PS1 version, if i recall correctly, you could only save after getting a bonus level. that usually required collecting three hidden tokens in a level's crates. if you failed a bonus level, you could not save. if you couldn't find the tokens, you couldn't even get to the bonus level in the first place.

i suppose back then you would just have to keep your PS1 on permanently and hope it didn't freeze while you were away.

this crash bandicoot 1 remake is _still_ abso-fucking-lutely punishing. i had to pause the game every now and then after losing my nerve, causing me to make silly errors. i had to do breathing exercises to centre myself from how this game traumatises me.

honestly? i wish my dad had gotten an N64 instead of a PS1. i got my first N64 from a flea market on holiday and i remember thinking that it was instantly better. the first game i for it was rayman 2.

even the basic first party N64 titles had me engrossed. i remember playing ocarina of time and feeling like hyrule field as soooooo big and expansive. mario 64 impressed me way more than crash bandicoot.

tldr:

1. crash bandicoot was way too difficult to give to a child. it is infuriating as a 34 year old.

2. big regrets about having a playstation and not a nintendo. years of my childhood wasted and ruined.